Inspector of Gadgets

Just got my newest installment of baby gadgets courtesy of my sister, and I have to say I really get a kick out of all of this stuff. I have spent a lot of time this week assembling various pieces of infant apparati, and every day Dearest comes home to some new primary-colored piece of modern art in our family room and says "What is that thing? What is it supposed to do?" followed by the modern parenting question "Where does my iPod plug into it?" Yes, from the swing to the Pack n Play to the stroller, the iPod port has become a necessity for baby contraptions large and small. Because what if, just what if my babies are lounging in their Pack n Play when, all of a sudden, they really want to listen to the Black Eyed Peas newest album? Or if we are out for a stroll and they can't go one more block without the soundtrack to the musical Chess? Or what if one of the darlings is relaxing in their swing but they really need some Dar Williams to complete the experience? Who hasn't been there? Do you think I could just pop in one of those CDs on any of the numerous CD players throughout our home? Well, yes I could, but that is not the point. The point is why WOULD I when I just have to plug my iPod into the convenient dock each piece of baby gear is now equipped with? I can already tell that I am going to need several additional iPods, because what if Sophia is in the swing listening to Busta Rhymes, and Olivia in the Pack n Play wishes to kick her legs to Alanis Morrisette? Then what about me? What if I want to listen to something on an iPod too? Apple should really issue everyone an iPod at birth. Then no one would have to share. 

So back to today's gadget. I received the Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer. Sweet! In case you are not familiar with this new modern necessity, here is the scoop: this thermometer takes temperatures by scanning an artery in your forehead. It's kind of like a little flashlight that you put against your forehead, hold down a button for a couple of seconds, it beeps, and voila! your exact temperature on the read out. Pretty slick, eh? Because let me tell you, when my reading about infancy enlightened me about how people used to take babies temperatures, I felt personally violated. I mean that's how they did it when I was a baby. What? I am going to assume that no one had to take my temperature the "old fashioned way," because if I find out otherwise I am not sure I can afford the therapy bill to undo the damage. I spent my whole life totally convinced that the butt is NOT a place for sticking things, and it would just be too depressing to know that those I trusted the most found it wholly appropriate to stick things in there before I even got a say in the matter.

Sorry. I didn't see that tangent coming. 

Back to my new Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer. I unwrapped it, batteried it up, and took it for a spin. I took my own temp. Worked great. Next I did what any logical (and home alone for way way too much time) person would do and attempted to take the dog's temperature with it. (Thought if it worked maybe I could spare him from the butt thermometer next time he goes to the vet.) Turns out it's not really made for dog's foreheads. Either that, or he's really really cold. He only let me try one time, after that he decided he was scared of the Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer and would not let me come near him with it anymore. So then I moved on to the next logical victim, the cat. But she is too hard for me to catch, and she has a weird 6th sense about when I am about to do something experimental to her and I can never get near her when I have nefarious deeds planned. I would have taken the crabs' temperatures, but they don't really have foreheads. 

So anyway, I have only been able to scan one temporal artery today, but it seemed to work quite well and I am excited to add it to the arsenal of baby gadgets I can't live without. The only problem is that I can't figure out how to plug my iPod into it.