All that Glitters...

This is, without a doubt, the best time of the year to be a Kindergarten teacher. There is one reason for that. You might think it is the magic of those innocent little children in breathless anticipation of Santa's arrival. That is very sweet and all, but the REAL reason this time of the year is so great is simple: the craft possibilities are nearly ENDLESS. And every craft REQUIRES glitter. It's a dream come true. This year, we have made letters to Santa (glitter), angel tree toppers (lots of glitter), handprint Christmas trees (sequins), Italian ornaments (gallons of glitter), footprint reindeer (ooh, no glitter, but the next best thing: googly eyes!), and gingerbread houses (glitter). The only downside of this glittery time of the year is that, as the leader of glitter-saturated projects, you come home with glitter in the most UNLIKELY places. Starting with your scalp and eyebrows. It's an X-rated snow globe in my shower every morning as yesterday's glitter goes down the drain. Blow your nose? Glitter. Take off your socks? Glitter. And the craziest of all, because BELIEVE ME I teach fully clothed, is the glitter in the bra. I am not alone in this festive discovery, Kindergarten teachers everywhere would be mistaken for exotic dancers were they to be strip searched this time of the year, so inexplicably saturated with glitter are our bodies.

In an extra show of holiday enthusiasm this year, I seem to be growing a white beard of my very own. Ho ho ho! It started with a tiny bit of white downiness in the sideburn area, and has continued to get more luxurious with each passing week. I understand this is the work of runaway hormones, and that additional facial hair is just one of those completely bizarre things that goes along with pregnancy, but between that and the round little belly that shakes when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly I am starting to wonder if I should try to hire myself out to the mall. "Have you been naughty or nice little boy? Ho ho ho!" Maybe the glitter I am covered in will add to my magical aura.

Sexy.