Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Well, there you go.
I know, you want to see proof.
How ya like them apples? It was so surreal, the Dr. came in, chatted us up, asked me how I am feeling (I said "Fine" because I just wanted to get to the ultrasound part, but Dearest was like "Tell him the truth, you are exhausted, hungry, and nauseous!" I was like "Oh, yeah. I am.") So of course the Dr. is totally laughing at my impatience with the whole banter.
Anyway, he asked how many we thought stuck and I didn't know what to say. Do I look greedy if I say 2? Am I setting myself up for disappointment if I say 2? If I say 1 will he think I am not thrilled with the second one? I don't think I said anything. He took a quick peek and said "There are two in your future." Just like that. Then he browsed around a little more and said, "Here is the heartbeat of baby A. And here is baby B's heartbeat," Dearest was glued to the monitor and he just kept saying "Oh my God. I see it! I can totally see it!" We got to hear Baby A's heartbeat too, which was maybe the most amazing part. Baby B was kind of behind A and he couldn't get a good listen on that one, but there they were, flickering away in unison. Two tiny babies. In me. Woah.
That was about it. They both measured 9mm, normal, and the heartbeats were normal. We were given 2 little teddy bears wearing the logo of the fertility clinic and sent on our merry way. Up next: the actual obstetrician. We graduated!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
As I had previously mentioned, it would appear that those who are close to us have been chatting and seem to be (through an elaborate game of telephone) aware of our situation and progress.
It would now appear that complete and total STRANGERS are ALSO flapping gums and our plight is now just short of being the headline story on the national news.
Example #1: I left my previous place of employment approximately 1 year ago. It is one of those places with a core crew that doesn't much change (these would be my friends) and a group of revolving people, many of whom have started since I left and who I do not know. Of the core crew at this stage, there are 3 people who Dearest and I have stayed close to (Dearest worked there for years as well). We will call these people D, A, and R (AKA JackHole). I told D about what was going on very early, before I even started the IVF cycle, and Dearest told A early too. We had no choice but to tell R (JackHole) as we socialize frequently which involves drinking which clearly I was not doing. Also I am friends with JackHole's wife and I did not mind talking to her about it. Long story short, Wonderful Friends A and D kept their lips together in regards to what was going on with us, where as JackHole apparently updated the ENTIRE crew, most of whom we don't know, on a frequent basis, including such valuable addendums as How Much it Costs and What His Opinion Is. All whilst being SHUSHED by A and D. I don't know why I care, if I worked there I likely would have talked about it, but somehow it's different when someone else is airing it, and I am feeling very vulnerable about the whole thing right now, so I am less than thrilled.
Example #2: Today at dismissal, I walked past the new AP, someone I do not know and have only seen in faculty meetings. I LITERALLY have never even said hello to him in the hall. When I walked by him today, he asked how the year was going, followed by asking me how I am FEELING. "Oh no," I thought, "no possible way that he is asking my how I am FEELING." I told him I'm fine thanks. THEN he said, "So, when do you find out?" "About what?" "You know, the pitter patter of little feet?" I looked at him, mouth agape, and blurted out "Oh my God, I don't even KNOW you!!!" He laughed (thankfully) and said "You're Mrs. F, right?" I said, "Uh, yeah..." and he said, "Oh, you are the talk of the office. You are practically on our daily 'To Be Discussed' agenda down there!" WHAT!!!?! I told him that I am sad to hear that things are so boring in the office that the best they can do is discuss my reproductive life. He took it really well, told me that he and his wife did 3 cycles of IVF before his son came along, and turned out to be a pretty nice guy. But STILL!!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO GIVE A S--T ENOUGH TO GO TELL ADMINISTRATION???? Anyway, so much for my big unveiling to them in October. Apparently they know as much about my situation as I do.
I hate being popular.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Go to www.yearbookyourself.com, upload a picture of yourself, and check out your new look. It is easy, and I laughed until I almost peed.
Friday, August 22, 2008
At about 10:30 this morning, my body demanded Cheez.Its and Ginger Ale. There was no resisting it, and I was, for a moment, thankful that school was cancelled today because what if that happened at school where there are no Cheez.Its or Ginger Ale? Scary thought. Anyway, I am feeling a little guilt about the Ginger Ale, and let me tell you why: High Fructose Corn Syrup. Back when I was certain that I would ("Naturally") get pregnant at any moment (you remember, like 3 years ago?) I was on a major health food kick, and I did a lot of research about the evils of High Fructose Corn Syrup. In retrospect, I don't remember the details of why it was so terrible, I just remember the process of creating it was so bizarre that I vowed to make an effort not to put it in my natural body and I was certainly not going to expose my natural baby to it.
Natural seems like such a very, very long time ago.
So now I still have this strong desire to have this "natural" experience, which seems really silly considering that my potential future child was conceived in a room where everyone was wearing sterile booties and where neither the father nor I were in the same area code. Is it retarded that I am now ruminating over corn syrup? I have, in some ways, still been good: I learned a lot about phthalates back in the day and I avoid them in products whenever I can. (Except for deodorant. Sorry people, just keepin it real here. I do chase 5-year-olds for a living, it can be a sweaty gig.) But I do see the irony in the whole thing. Or is it just me?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Well, we were back at school today, and like I thought, it was kind of like the first day all over again, minus the first day jitters that make them quiet. This is a chatty bunch and I can tell we are going to be battling all year in that regard. By the end of the day, however, we were getting into the groove to some extent, when from the office, the announcement: watch the news tonight, this hurricane (now tropical storm) has turned around and school is questionable for tomorrow. Joy. And guess what? NO SCHOOL AGAIN tomorrow.
Maybe they will decide to make these days up in June, and maybe this whole baby thing will work out so that I am not actually there in June. That's best case scenario here. More than likely we will lose the majority of Thanksgiving break. Poop.
So yesterday night Alex was over, and I told him. It was so fun. He and Kel have been the most fun people to tell, though in very different ways. Kel was the squealing, "I KNEW it!!!" kind of way, where as Alex seemed genuinely surprised. He knew, mind you, that we were doing IVF, and I'm not really sure what he thought the end result of that particular venture might be...with Jazz you can never really tell what he's thinking. Anyway, he was so delighted, (he stays at our house so much I told him I hope he doesn't mind sharing his bedroom with a small, cranky roommate) he just kept saying "Really? Are you serious?" and he was grinning ear-to-ear and he was so genuinely happy that I hated to give him the customary disclaimers. But I did. (It's so early, you never know, anything could happen, etc etc.)
There's the scoop. Guess tomorrow it's me and Dr. Google on the couch. Poop.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Ugh. Just when I thought things were going to start cookin' with gas around here, everything comes to a screeching halt. Got the first day of school under my belt, it went really smoothly and I feel like I have a very good group of kids. I was looking forward to hitting my stride this week, I had a lot of "getting to know you" game and activities planned before we jumped into academics next week, AND I was thrilled to have the distraction of being back at school all day, so I was not analyzing every damn hang-nail and googling it only to discover that hangnails in the first trimester are a sure sign of impending doom. Hurricane Fay, however, had other plans. So school is cancelled today and tomorrow, and I am back on the couch glued to the computer. The good news is that dearest is stuck here with me today, the bad news is that he wants to be marooned in the house about as much as I do. Plus this probably means that we will lose time off over Thanksgiving, (that's when our storm make up days are built into our school schedule), and by then I will be so ready for a break. At lunch dearest helpfully reminded me that in 04 Hurricane Charley (the one that totaled our house) was the first one, and that was in mid-August. September brought Hurricane Francis and Jeanne. Noooo! No more days on the couch!!!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Despite my intentions to keep this whole thing a secret until October, things have not really gone that way. At all. It's just that, when I was talking to my friends (or acquaintances, or random people I met at the grocery store) about the IVF, there is one thing I did not factor in... their desire for a resolution to the story. I can't exactly blame them for it, I mean, of course they want to know if it worked or not. The problem is I am still not that convinced that it worked (despite the evidence) and I really don't know what to say when people ask. I try to use the old "Things are looking good so far," or "I'll let you know when I have news," but it's really not working. At all. People are asking me at work "How are you feeling? No really, how are you feeling?" and I have to believe that there is a subtext there, either that or a lot of people randomly started caring about my feelings over the summer who never gave a shit before. Sigh. Oh well. I guess I should be grateful, I just don't want to feel like I let anyone down if this doesn't work out.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
is good news.
Nothing dramatic to report.
I have a few little twinges here and there that might be considered a symptom, but I think that might be stretching it. Mainly in the morning, there is not enough food on earth for me. This morning I ate a big bowl of cereal and orange juice, 2 granola bars, an apple, and a bottle of gator.ade all before 11 am, and by the time we found somewhere to eat at 12:15, I was practically hallucinating from hunger. Then after I eat lunch I immediately wish I had not eaten lunch, I just feel bloaty and yuck. Even though I am hungry the rest of the day I actually want no part of food, I'm starving but nothing sounds good. Keep in mind that on a scale of 1-10 all of these symptoms rank about a 2. It is not that unusual for me to be hungry early and often. My mom has some saying about us being "an army who travels on our stomach" or something, because when we are together we are constantly plotting our next meal, even while we are still eating our current meal.
Sorry, I feel like this post is really boring, I just wanted to put something out there for those who are getting most of their info about our developments through this blog. I've been back at work this week, getting ready to warp the next generation of 5 year olds. I got my class list yesterday, it's so exciting to look at all of their little names and to try and imagine what they will be like. I am excited to get to know them. I can not believe my demographic this year...last year I had 17 boys and 6 girls (aaaaahhhhhh!!!) this year (so far) I have 11 girls and 8 boys! Woah! I don't really speak girl. I catered to such a testosterone-laden audience (yes, even at age 5) last year that I was all pumped up for Kindergarten boot camp this year. Now what? Girls? This changes everything! I can't say the word "underpants" to bring everything in my classroom to a screeching halt. That was my ace in the hole last year. If I was trying to teach any concept, and could somehow work the word underpants in to it, I had an attentive audience. Anyway, it's been good to be back at work, it gives me a lot to think about and stops me from spending all day consulting Dr. Google about every possible outcome (most of them horrific) of our present situation.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
5dp5dt poas +
8dp5dt poas +
11dp5dt HCG 548
13dp5dt HCG 1098
In plain English...it would appear that the IVF procedure has been successful. I am not quite ready to use the "p" word yet, but I will say that one of the blasts has implanted.
We are, as you could imagine, thrilled and shocked. Infertility has been at the forefront of our lives for such a long time, particularly this past month when we have been reminded of it with every injection, every doctor's visit, every phone call and pill... it's really hard to absorb that our era of "infertility" might, just might, be behind us. We have gotten this far, and we will continue to put one foot gingerly in front of the other.
My thoughts go out to those who will go on to struggle another month. Whatever the outcome, the struggle of infertility will always be a part of who I am.
August 28th we will go in for our first ultrasound. We will be 6 weeks at that time.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Yay! Another little bit of good news from the embryology lab today. We have 2 "totsicles"--2 embryos that the lab felt were good enough to put on ice. (And they don't freeze any old thing in Winter Park, oh no. Only the creme de la creme need apply.) So, hooray for us. I mean, not that we really deserve a whole lot of credit for that working out, but it does feel comforting to know that we have a little "insurance policy" in a freezer across town.
Fingers crossed for us, hopefully Monday will bring more happy news.
Friday, August 1, 2008
My husband declared that our home too closely resembles an Indiana Jones film.
<-- Approximate actual size of Kitchen Snake.
I scooped said snake into a dustpan and took him outside. When I came back, the spider (who was, in all truth, MUCH bigger than the snake) had retreated back to the tomb from which it emerged.
If you were stopping by for a symptom report here it is: none.
Sorry, but I feel plain.
Happily, I did not have to lay on the couch and obsess over every twinge today, because my dear friend Susan, from my Nemo days, brought me lunch and entertained me and loved on poor neglected Coda. She shared tales from the stage, it was reassuring to hear that not a lot there has changed. We plotted ways to fix our mutual friends' dysfunctional lives, which kind of implies that we have our lives under control, a concept that I can assure you we would both hardily deny. That does not, however, mean that we are not qualified to analyze everyone else's issues. It was great to see her, I really appreciated her company.
Next week, I am going back to school. I need to get out of the house and get things there in order. Is it possible that the kids come back in 2 weeks?!?