Friday, April 24, 2009

3 Week Time Warp

(Olivia shot poop 5 feet across the room about 2 minutes before this picture was taken)


OK, people. I need to get back on the blogging horse or I will become one of those mom bloggers who posts once a week to put up a few pics, report on runny noses, complain about lack of sleep and declare my love for the kids. Not that there won’t be posts like that from me, not that those kinds of posts are not interesting to people who care about the girls, just that those posts don’t call for a lot of reflection and insight. And if I get in the habit of taking the easy route, I am afraid I will get stuck there.

So.

First a real-time update.

The kids are doing great.

There is very little sleep occurring in the household at night.

I am off the percocet but the hardest thing about weaning off of it was my nipples. Oh, my tender tender nipples. There are not words.

And the love. Oh, the love. I love loving these babies. I love watching Dearest, my mom, my in-laws loving these babies. I am so proud.

So there is your “the kids are great, I am exhausted, God I love them” post that I just said I was not going to do. Um, maybe I just needed to get it out of my system.

Having my mom here was incredible, and I had a mini panic attack every time I think about the fact that she was leaving this week. I literally do not know how I am going to survive without her. She has taken on all aspects of running this household, from cooking to cleaning to laundry to walking the dog to caring for the girls to being my full time psychologist and cheerleader. Having her here has allowed me to really focus on the babies, and specifically on breastfeeding, which I am doing about 8 hours a day and therefore should qualify as a full time job. It is immensely satisfying to watch the girls starting to get chubby cheeks and to think that I did that, my body is feeding them and giving them all they need.

The girls are really starting to show their personalities. I know a lot can change, and I will be curious to see if our initial impressions prove to be accurate over time. Sophia (Baby A) is… intense. Can a baby be intense? Absolutely. Everything she does and needs is with a certain urgency. She goes from zero to screaming in a single breath, nurses like a frantic barracuda, and stares at you like she is really studying your soul. Olivia (Baby B) is a little more easy going- her cries tend to ramp up instead of going straight over the top. She seems a little more social, already she is trying to coo and turning her head when she hears familiar voices. Yesterday we put the girls on the floor next to each other and they made eye contact with each other for the first time that I am aware of. It was kind of a special moment, even though I can’t really articulate why.

We have been going to weekly pediatrician’s appointments, and the girls are growing right on schedule and passing every test with flying colors. They were 5-12 and 5-13 when they were born, both 5-5 when we brought them home from the hospital, 6-4 and 6-2 at their 2 week checkup and about 7lbs when we weighed them at the hospital Wednesday. Amazing how quickly they are growing.

One thing about the 2 week visit to the pediatrician. We had been watching their little umbilical cords dry up, but they had not yet fallen off. No big deal, as far as we were concerned, right? Well, we went last week and the OTHER pediatrician there (NOT the warm fuzzy Ghandi guy we selected) said “I need to remove these umbilical cords or they are going to have nodes there and will have to have surgery when they are older.” Oh my God, right? Absolutely! Remove them! How bad can it be? “It will sting a little,” she said, “when I cauterize them.” Uh… cauterize? Like burn off? “Well, it’s a chemical cauterization, it is quite simple.” At this point I look at my mom, but what can we do? No one wants them to have surgery. What even is a node? I thought I had read every book about every possible thing that could happen to my kids during the first month of life. Belly button nodes? Did I skip that chapter? Shit shit shit. As much as I am reluctant to unconditionally trust doctors, I didn’t know what else to do. So I let her do it. And within 30 seconds I wanted to jump out the window with my precious babies and never look back. The babies SCREAMED. They screamed until they had the silent screams and turned purple. I couldn’t even stand there next to them. I stood in the corner and bit the inside of my cheek trying not to cry. My mom talked to them and tried to soothe them while they protested. It seemed like hours, it was probably 5 minutes, and she was done. But the kids were not right all day. And I felt absolutely sick about it.

So there’s my first parental high holy drama.

The babies are fine. I cry every year when I have to get my cat vaccinated, so maybe I’m just hyper sensitive and protective. But I HATE feeling helpless. And I have a feeling that a lot of parenthood is going to be about feeling helpless. And I would be lying if I told you that doesn’t freak me out a bit.

Stay tuned for the preface to the birth story. I have to do it a little bit at a time or it will never get done. But I don’t want to wait too long or the memory will get hazy. Also- gory c section pictures or no gory c section pictures? You tell me, dear readers, if you are horrified by bloody babies.

My girls at 2 weeks:

4 comments:

Arianna said...

LOVE your post!! I know it is sooo hard to watch someone so innocent in pain- every shot my kids are given kills me, and I wont even think about having to stick jenica with 2 IVs while she screamed so hard she threw up on Tuesday =( But....in the end we have healthy kids, and thats all that matters. Hang in there sissy...you are an amazing Mom and I love you.

bella1021 said...

BEAUTIFUL pictures!!!

I am so sorry that the lil's were tortured- I know this won't make you feel any better-- but being a peds nurse for 6 years and working mom/baby- I have NEVER heard of that...I will be asking when I go to work next-

You are and will continue to do an amazing job when everyone leaves-keep it up!

gd said...

Oh, that first picture of you guys...W-o-w. Lindsay, you are gorgeous with those two.

It's awesome hearing about their personalities...and that they looked each other in the eyes...I would have loved seeing that! I think there's always a special moment when a baby looks their parent/sibling in the eye for the first time.

As for the belly buttons? Dang!! I completely want to hug you for ten minutes after hearing about that. Poor little things! I'd be really interested to know what bella1021 finds out about that.

Thinking of you every day. You are GREAT for posting!!

"styolka"--sounds like a brand of vodka. Cruel, ironic world...you probably can't drink for a year!

LilBear said...

Bella- I will be SO curious to hear what you find out about the umbilical cauterization. Like I said, I read a lot of books but I had never heard of this procedure. It was awful!

Thanks to everybody for hanging with me as I try to get back in the routine of writing again. Today is my first day alone with the kids and I have to say it has gone really well so far!