Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Looooook into my Eyeeeesssss...

So here's the thing. I have always been the kind of person who, when having a conversation, has experienced the luxury of having the person to whom I am speaking look at my Actual Face whilst we are conversing. And it was not really something I gave a lot of thought to. I kind of enjoyed it, people looking at my Actual Face while we were communicating. But now... things have changed. I have heard others (particularly my friend D) complain about people looking at Parts Other than Face, particularly people of the male variety (just her luck!) while she is trying to make important points. I can see how, for her, that would be quite annoying. But I always thought it would just be so great to have BIG BOOBS that I would live with the small issue of people looking at Parts Other than Face while chatting. 

Well, now I have actual boobs. But they are not on display for all to see, as one might think. First of all, I teach 5-year-olds, so it would hardly be appropriate. Second of all, they are not beautiful lush bosom, they are like 2 veiny grapefruits that someone hot glued to my chest. Seriously, they are covered in these blue veins, and the skin is like translucent and they look like I had some unsuccessful breast enlargement procedure. Clearly they do not belong on my body.

But the problem is not my boobs. It is my little baby bump. I CAN NOT have a conversation with anyone looking at my Actual Face the past 2 weeks. Their eyes keep wandering down to the bump. Those I know will actually acknowledge what they are doing (In a "GOD you are getting big fast!" kind of a way) but others, not so much. And you know what? I kind of miss conversations where people looked at my Actual Face. This has come up a lot this week because of parent teacher conferences. I know parents are not thinking "Oh, it looks like she's expecting, how lovely for her!" they are thinking "Shit, if she's preggo, this is going to interrupt my kid's academics." I totally understand that. But what's funny is that I am not actually big enough for people to be 100% sure yet (because how mortifying for them if they say something and are wrong!) so they just stare at my bump.

Today, for the first time, the bump actually served me well. I had to stop at the store to buy puffy paint and cheetos (don't ask) and an older guy looked at the bump and let me go in line in front of him. So sweet! I'm not quite ready to start parking in those "Reserved for Expectant Mothers" spots at BJ's yet, but maybe before long...

2 comments:

gd said...

Lawsy mercy, I would be jacking those "Expectant Mother" spots all the freakin' time!! I'd take them if I was only *trying* to get pregnant.

(p.s. I'm gazing into your eyes as I say this.)

LilBear said...

I THOUGHT I would park the shit out of those spots the moment I saw the plus line on the pee stick, but I feel like such an... impostor. Don't worry, it won't be long, but I'm still afraid some lady with an actual baby coming out of her body at that moment is going to yell at me because she was getting diapers on the way to the hospital and now she is giving birth in the parking lot because I took the preggo spot.