So back to today's gadget. I received the Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer. Sweet! In case you are not familiar with this new modern necessity, here is the scoop: this thermometer takes temperatures by scanning an artery in your forehead. It's kind of like a little flashlight that you put against your forehead, hold down a button for a couple of seconds, it beeps, and voila! your exact temperature on the read out. Pretty slick, eh? Because let me tell you, when my reading about infancy enlightened me about how people used to take babies temperatures, I felt personally violated. I mean that's how they did it when I was a baby. What? I am going to assume that no one had to take my temperature the "old fashioned way," because if I find out otherwise I am not sure I can afford the therapy bill to undo the damage. I spent my whole life totally convinced that the butt is NOT a place for sticking things, and it would just be too depressing to know that those I trusted the most found it wholly appropriate to stick things in there before I even got a say in the matter.
Sorry. I didn't see that tangent coming.
Back to my new Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer. I unwrapped it, batteried it up, and took it for a spin. I took my own temp. Worked great. Next I did what any logical (and home alone for way way too much time) person would do and attempted to take the dog's temperature with it. (Thought if it worked maybe I could spare him from the butt thermometer next time he goes to the vet.) Turns out it's not really made for dog's foreheads. Either that, or he's really really cold. He only let me try one time, after that he decided he was scared of the Temporal Artery Scanning Thermometer and would not let me come near him with it anymore. So then I moved on to the next logical victim, the cat. But she is too hard for me to catch, and she has a weird 6th sense about when I am about to do something experimental to her and I can never get near her when I have nefarious deeds planned. I would have taken the crabs' temperatures, but they don't really have foreheads.
So anyway, I have only been able to scan one temporal artery today, but it seemed to work quite well and I am excited to add it to the arsenal of baby gadgets I can't live without. The only problem is that I can't figure out how to plug my iPod into it.