Monday, March 23, 2009

Time Creeps, and then Suddenly it Flies

I've been thinking a lot lately about the future of this blog. There is a big push in the infertility community to separate blogs that address that issue from "parenthood" blogs, and yes, technically this blog did start out as a blog about our IVF experience. And I'm sure that I will be (at least temporarily) a "bad blogger" once the babies get here- probably I won't update enough, and when I do it will be about such riveting subjects as projectile vomiting and sleep deprivation. I have to be honest, I really like reading infertility blogs, while some of them are heartbreaking, a lot of them have a healthy amount of tongue-in-cheek wit that I can relate to. I have also found some "mommy blogs" that are so much more than that- they are also funny and beautiful and deep and I love reading them. But they are all mommy of toddler blogs. Mommy of infant blogs tend to bore me to tears. Am I a jerk for saying that? Am I destined to slip into that oblivion for a couple of years? Yuck. I guess once again it all ties into my fear of losing myself, of becoming Mommy and not being Lindsay anymore. I want to be a mommy, obviously. But I really don't want to become one-dimensional. And I have seen it happen. The blogs that are just all about "I am tired. But the baby is so wonderful," over and over and over, variations on the theme every day.

So what am I to do?

i thought about changing the name of the blog to Linz and the Twinz (cute, right?) but it's so NOT me. The idea of Long Way Around the Barn stands for so much more than our fertility struggles, it really speaks to the non-linear way everything in my life seems to unfold. So I'm keeping the title. And I'm going to resist slipping into "mommy blogging" oblivion. I will try to stay honest. Yes, I am sure that the posts will be largely about the girls and parenting, just as the posts were about IVF and then about pregnancy, but hopefully they will evolve into something more dimensional than "I'm tired. Babies are great."

It's worth a shot, right?

So stay tuned. I might get quiet here this next week, my mom is coming to help us get ready for the darlings and to keep us sane for the first couple of weeks after their arrival, so I will have someone here to entertain me. If anything news worthy happens though, I will be sure that myself or Dearest posts about it. For now, I'm hanging in there, and I am SO ready to not be lonely and stranded anymore. Huge hugs to those who have been supportive and involved, either through the internets or in real life, these past couple of months. Your calls, e mails, and visits, have given me something to look forward to in what has frequently been an isolating situation. Times like these I guess you find out who your real friends are, and I have had some surprises in both directions- people who I didn't think I was that close to who have made an extreme effort to stay in touch and be involved, and people who I thought would be there for me who have been nowhere to be found.

I also want to say something about Dearest while we are both still in our right minds. This whole thing, from the infertility to the IVF to the pregnancy, has been emotionally draining, but he has been there beside me for every single second, showing compassion, patience, and loyalty that has been above and beyond even my expectations for him. As my world has gotten smaller these past couple of months, focussing on taking care of myself and preparing for the kids, his world has gotten exponentially larger: having to deal more than his fair share of housework, financial management, hormonal and physical changes from a once consistent partner, and the anticipation of being a father at a time when the world is far from stable and predictable. As much as I am a touch weirded out about the fact that these babies are soon to be "public domain" after being my responsibility alone for these nine months, that reservation does not apply to Dearest. I can't WAIT for him to see these little creatures that are a combination of our blood, sweat, and tears. I hope we can keep our collective sense of humor, because I have a feeling that things are going to get more absurd rather than less. As we often say: if it was normal, it would be happening to someone other than us. So thanks, babe. You have a lot to be proud of. And I probably don't say it enough.

That's it for now. Just a few more hours and mom will be here and just a few more days and the kids will probably be here too. Where did the last nine months go...?

1 comment:

gd said...

I love this entry in so many ways, but your words to D. were what made me misty. You guys are so lucky to have each other--inspirational!

I don't think it's possibly to become 'un-Lindsayed'...you're one of a kind, and two wailing pink chicks ain't gonna change that. And if all you have time for is the occasional "Think I'm losing my mind. babies are fine but last night I accidentally started nursing their stuffed turtle instead"--then we'll be entertained no matter the frequency.

And if by chance you DO fall into the "Everything is So good, love EVERYone, that's all, babies are PERFECT!" trap, you'll come out of it once you start getting more sleep. :)

Tell Mrs. Ann Kem hello for me!

P.S. "fridest"? Seriously? WHERE ARE THE CUTE WORDS FOR ME?