I can't stand confrontation. It makes me physically queasy, like my stomach is aware of how weak I am, how terrible I am in an argument. I don't cry easily in most scenarios, but a face-to-face disagreement with someone leaves me immediately swallowing a lump in my throat and blinking back tears. For this reason, I rarely if ever "win" an argument, and I am very reluctant to stick up for myself if confrontation is going to be required. If I am served the wrong thing at a restaurant, I generally don't send it back. I feel panicked telling the mall kiosk people that I'm not interested in their wares. If a friend says something I disagree with, or treats me in a way I don't like, I am a thousand times more likely to distance myself from that person than to tell them what I'm bothered by. I hate that about me. I wish I could advocate for the little guy, stand up for myself, put my foot down when necessary. I recognize that it might be better for me and better for my relationships if I told people what I was thinking, even if that meant the possibility of a conflict. Unfortunately, I am simply not wired that way.
I can't stand confrontation. I hate that about myself.