Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Normal is the New Weird

Triggered last night. Woke up this morning, prepared for the worst. But it was even worse than the worst. Because I felt nothing. Like (physically) this whole thing never even happened. My belly was flat. No more feeling like I had swallowed two lemons. I was not queasy, and everything about me that had felt very strange this week felt "normal". I did what any self-respecting IFer would do, and by that I mean I freaked out.

I have really tried not to make myself neurotic. But this morning I made up for it. I was in tears, telling Dearest that this had all been for naught, that clearly my body had somehow decided to re-absorb all of those beautiful eggs and it was game-off. Went to my 9:15 pre-op this morning and told the Dr. my concerns. "Nope," he said, "nothing to fear. That is a normal reaction. Your body is just so used to being pummeled by hormones that it starts to settle down at this point for some women." WHAT?!? You should WARN a sister when all of her symptoms are going to disappear!!! I almost had a coronary!

Anyway. Everything is fine. Today I go fill scripts for the new drug regimen to begin tomorrow, which includes: tetracycline, medrol, darvocet, valium, and a vinegar-water douche. Yes, you read that correctly. The nurse said that to me and I thought to myself, "That's it, cancel the retrieval. I am not sure I want kids enough to douche." Who does that? I thought that was one of those 80's trends that had died with hair crimping. So I guess I have to go to the store and buy that. Would I be out of line to tell the check out lady (guy, actually. You know it will be a guy.) "This is for a medical procedure, not because my cooch is stank." Maybe they give you that valium to take before you go buy the douche, so you do not feel the pain of humiliation. 

Guess it's game-on. I go in tomorrow at 6:45, should be leaving the joint around 9 or so if all goes according to plan. Then I will snooze all day under Dearest's watchful eye until I have to meet nurse jodi at the school for ass-shot #1. Can't wait until it's over!


Kel said...

Your strength and perseverance is amazing. This journey, for the moment, is agonizing, beyond taxing and very surreal but when you move to the other side of it you are going to be blessed in more ways than one - in more ways than you even know. The most difficult things in life that we experience bring the greatest gifts and an appreciation for that life that goes beyond words. I am so proud of you and proud to call you my friend. We are here praying like crazy - even Pop!!!! Please know that I want to know how you are so I can help where I can and I will be there as soon as I am given an okay (with tomatoe soup and grilled cheese sandwiches). One guess where I will acquire that. We love you and are thinking about you!

*Lindsay* said...

I had the same feelings Yesterday after the trigger. I felt so much better than I had the day before. I was just thankful! :)

Today went so well. I knocked out very easily and was eating lunch on the 2 hour trip home. Came home and slept most of the day, but felt well enough to take a walk around the neighborhood tonight. We are having a wonderful weather day in IL.

I wish you all the best tomorrow. Take it easy and it will be over before you know it and we will have something new to obsess about. Good luck to you, I will be thinking about you!

-IL Linds

LilBear said...

Thanks so much for your thoughts you guys.

Kel, you are a true friend. Thanks for reminding me to keep my chin up. I guess we both know that the the stuff worth having is worth fighting for, and I am trying to hang tough. Thanks for having my back!

Linds, I follow your journey with interest, and I celebrate all your victories with you. I always breathe a sigh of relief whenever something goes textbook for you. It's so comforting!